I had the best time tonight at the wedding of David Sax and Lauren Mallach.  This is not an exaggeration.  It was easily the best wedding I’ve ever attended.  It was the loveliest, warmest, most joyous celebration of life, love and family that I’ve been honoured to be invited to.  As you may know, David Sax penned “Save the Deli” (and recently won the James Beard Award for it). Our lives have been intertwined for over two years because of our mutual interest in keeping alive an important tradition.  In that time, he has become my friend and a major source of inspiration and support.

After meeting and spending a few moments with Lauren I took David aside.  ”What’s wrong with you,” I asked.  ”Get a ring on that finger.”  Even though my own marriage didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean I’ve lost faith in the institution.  Having come to know them both I’m not sure which is more fortunate.  Having seen them together more than a few times, it is my firm conviction that they deserve each other and every happiness life has to offer.  And they sure know how to throw a party.  It feels like forever since I went to a party and had such a great time.

Last night the shoe was on the other foot.  The Sax/Mallachs chose Caplansky’s to host their Out-of-Towner party.  I usually don’t have fun at parties I’m hosting but I enjoyed that one for two reasons:

1. Abby Ainsworth did a fantastic job organising and executing the event allowing me to just play host.  Abby’s been managing our Catering and Special Events for the last few months and this was her biggest challenge yet.  She chose the right team, gave great instructions and managed the event perfectly.  I couldn’t be prouder of her and our entire team for what they did last night. Special shout out to Robb Zaina who wowed everyone with his deserts.

2. The guests had a great time.

I’m trying to feel good about the job I do without the need for approval but these people are special.  Their approval means more to me than anyone else’s.  Seriously.  The Sax family has played a bigger role in helping build my business than I can or wish to express.  They’ve been there for me since Day One at the Monarch (along with cousin Eric Katz) and every step of the way since.  We hosted David’s book launch and catered their Chanukah party.

Julia and Michael were both effusive in their praise and David and Lauren were too.  Daniel, David’s younger brother, seemed to have a great time too although the sun seems to shine whenever he’s around.  You know the type.  Actually, his speech tonight was the best “Best Man’s Speech” I’ve ever heard (although Howie Grossfield comes a close second for his work at Rob Braudy’s wedding many years ago).

Anyway, tomorrow is another day on the farm and if I don’t get some sleep I won’t be any good to anyone.  However, when I greet the Sandman in a few moments, I’ll be smiling.

Its a rude awakening when your best server calls in sick and the other guy calls in abusive.  The “other guy” leaves a message saying “you better come take care of your restaurant”.  I arrived a few moments later expecting to find a mess but everything was just fine – except him.  This guy is in a state and its not Kansas.  He’s almost literally spitting venom.

“Why don’t you go home,” I tell him. It was a directive intended to save his job, not a suggestion.

“I wanna see if you have the balls to talk to me right now,” other guy says. Ho!

“Let’s go,” I said.

We head out the back door and other guy lays into me in the most nonsensical way.  ”I’ve never had any problem with you,” he says.  ”But other people…”

“Which other people? What are you talking about specifically?” I ask.  He can’t offer specifics.  In fact, I know he’s stood up for me among the staff in the past telling people that on a relative basis, I’m not that bad.  Awwwww, shucks.  But now he’s angry but can’t tell me why.  I’m told I suck as a restaurant owner, a total screw-up but he can’t provide specific examples (I could help him here but why make this easy?).  I’m told the place runs better without me with all evidence to the contrary.  I can’t figure this out until he tells me he’s got other issues and stresses going on in his life.  Ok, its personal.  We all have times like these.  He tells me he loves this restaurant and that I’ve created an essential service for the city.  After a few moments of discussion he shakes my hand, pats my back and we head back in.   I offered to give him the day off.  ”It’s okay,” he says “I’ll cover the patio.”

A few minutes later the slicer gets an emergency call that a relative has taken ill.  He leaves and I jump on the slicing station.  Not more than 20 minutes later, the other guy comes upto me at the slicing station.  ”You want specifics, this is what I’m talking about,” he says.  ”We don’t have any salad,” he’s really angry about the salad situation.  I don’t understand but I’m knee deep in smoked meat and need to focus on my work.  A few minutes later he comes back to the slicing station.  ”I’m going to screw you and walk out,” he tells me.  True to his word, the other guy leaves screwing me and a bunch of my unfortunate customers on the patio.

Oh, and this last bit took place in front of my brother and Mark Carney , Governor of the Bank of Canada.

Jazz hands.

I was in bed last night when something compelled me to get up and write that “Doug” post.  Clearly I wasn’t resting comfortably but after unburdening myself of those feelings I slept very well.  I woke early and headed into what would be an awesome fantastic day.  A day that helped me answer my own nagging doubts about why I do this.

Around 11 am the inimitable Andrew Tile brought 33 students and staff for their Second Annual Caplansky’s Graduation party.  Andrew is a stand up guy, someone whose smile lights up a room and puts people at ease.  His students have special needs and its a very big deal for many of them to eat in a restaurant.  Its truly an honour to be the restaurant of their choice.  Andrew organised everything such that it went off without a hitch.

The lunch rush seemed to sustain itself for a good couple of hours. Sarah Z rocked the floor and Jason the new guy in the kitchen was awesome (along with Robb Zaina who is always awesome).  Old friend Rob Archambault stopped by on his birthday.  Jared Greenspan hung out on the patio with Matt and Monarch regular Gabe the stock analyst stopped by for a fresser.  Sister-in-law Claire Helen Wilkinson Angus Caplan (I’m not making that up) also soaked up some rays with Heather Moyes the (incredibly hot) Olympic Champion Bobsledder and subject of Claire’s film doc.

Could it get any better?  Well it did.  Ron Grebler and Gregory MacDonald met me at the deli at 5pm and the three of us made a pilgrimage to Buster Rhino’s BBQ joint in Whitby.  We got there around 6.30 and were happy to find Joel Solish, Andrew Revesz and Zofie (last name unknown) waiting.  Luckily Darryl and Scott stayed late just to feed us and Darryl’s wife Beth and their kids were the perfect hosts.  I didn’t want to impose and expected to eat and leave but we sat around and chatted for hours.  It was bliss.  Great friends old and new shared an incredible meal and an incredible experience.

If you’re looking for the best bbq I’ve had since Herb’s Real Pit in Cherokee N. Carolina, go to Buster Rhino’s in Whitby.  The ribs, the brisket and pulled pork were all first rate – I ate my fill and brought home loads for the freezer.  As I sat there schmoozing with these lovely people it occurred to me that THIS is why I do this.  If I hadn’t been in the restaurant business, I wouldn’t have met Joel who introduced me to Darryl.  I wouldn’t know Ron (who is Andrew Tile’s cousin) or Greg (a chef who plays with Sloan) or Andrew (who is from Montreal but doesn’t use that against me) or Zofie (who gently kissed her bf Andrew even though his mouth was on fire from habanero oil) either.  Claire Helen Wilkinson Angus Caplan I would have known but may not be in touch with her.  That’s complicated.

I also want to say “thanks” to everyone who reached out to me as a result of what I posted last night.  My cousin Adam even offered to change my tires.  Can you imagine?  That’s love.  To be honest, it sort of embarrasses me to know people actually read this stuff because I don’t hold back.  Thanks for listening, thanks for caring and thanks for sharing my life.  It wouldn’t be nearly as much fun without you.

Doug is my Accountant and I love him because he does more than crunch numbers.  He’s part therapist, part biker buddy, part sounding board as well as a great number cruncher. Doug has made order from the chaos of my books (Ikea boxes) but more importantly he’s helped me feel okay about the chaos. Doug specialises in restaurant accounting.  He’s opened lots of restaurants and come to the rescue of even more.  Restaurant owners, he assures me, just want to get it done.  But we need to manage and that’s where he comes in.

Restaurant management is about percentages, he says.  Your food cost and labour cost should be within a certain percentage of your overall sales.  Same with occupancy costs.  For me, labour cost has been way out of whack.  I won’t even tell you what it is because its embarrassing.  I’m working hard to try and turn a profit because at the end of the day, if I don’t, all is lost.  And I’ll be honest with you: its been a challenge to be profitable on a month-to-month basis.  So much so that I expressed to Doug today that I’m not sure its worth it.

I’ve been hobbling around on what I believe is a fractured bone in my foot for two weeks now because I can’t find the time to get it looked at.  I’m driving on winter tires because I don’t have time to get them changed.  My motorcycle is waiting to be picked up and ridden but I can’t find the time to get it despite the fact that I’m paying for the insurance already.  I haven’t unpacked half of my stuff in my new apartment and I moved in December.  I miss my friends’ anniversary parties, birthday parties and so on because I work 6 and a half days a week. And there are people who tell me I’m “never there anymore”.

Am I whining?  Yes, this is whining.  I hurt.  I’m frustrated. And I get hate mail from people telling me that I suck and that I mistreat my staff.  Every other month I don’t even pay myself in order to make ends meet.  I feel exhausted and fed up.  Who needs this?  Who wants this? Is this a life?  But I get to be Caplansky, right? I get my name in the papers, I get to be on tv, the talk of the town.  Big fucking deal.

Earlier today I was expressing this to Doug.  He listened patiently and smiled when I told him my  fantasy about getting a job.  Something where I could have my evenings and weekends.  In this fantasy life, I take long leisurely walks, sip wine with friends on patios.  I get paid regularly.  Maybe even have vacations. “This isn’t a job,” he said shaking his silver-maned head, shattering my fantasy.  ”This is your life. You’re like a farmer,” he said.  ”You’re supposed to feel this way, it would be weird if you didn’t.” “You go to sleep thinking about your meat, your staff, your customers and your suppliers,” he said.  I nodded.  ”You wake up thinking about your rent, your payroll and the equipment that needs fixing,” he said.  I do.  ”This is your farm.  This is your calling. This is your life.”  Doug gets me and I love him for it.  Plus he only charges me half of what my therapist does.

My goal in year one is to break even while avoiding a nervous breakdown.  Right now its too close to call on both counts.  See me in September and Doug will tell us how we did.

When I logged in here a few moments ago I found the sweetest comment from “Woody Allen Fan” that just warmed my heart.  The timing is perfect too because I saw a message someone posted earlier today saying that they couldn’t understand why we get such great press because they ate at the deli and there was “nothing good about it” – “food or service”.  Yikes!  Nothing good? Nothing? Really? I have no reasonable expectation of pleasing all my customers (some are unpleasable) and I know that we mess up sometimes but stuff like that still bugs me.  Is it weird that I tracked down the poster’s email addy and wrote her a message asking to hear about her experience?

I don’t know.  One part of me says that the fact that I care about stuff likes this drives me to do better.  On the other hand, I work very hard already and do my best.  What else can I do?  How about a little ego booster care of Vince the Prince from Petrolia.  Below is a message I believe he meant for me to share and I take great pleasure in doing so… (you’ll see why)

“My wife and I recently visited Toronto, with a Monday trip to Caplansky’s as the main event.  After driving 3 hours, taking 2 subway trains and a 15 minute walk with our group consisting of my wife,
pregnant daughter in law, son and 1 year old grandson we arrived at our destination.  We were shocked and disappointed to find the restaurant closed for spring cleaning.  Being a typical male, I said to my wife ”Let’s go home right now”.  My son then noticed that the side door was open, being from a small town “Petrolia” where everyone is typically friendly, I took it upon myself to enter the restaurant to case the joint for future trips to Toronto. And lucky me, it just so happened that one of people in the restaurant was the owner, Zane. After hearing our tale of woe…Zane, a true gentleman who understands a hungry mans heart, made the kind gesture to let us have a sandwich despite the fact the restaurant was closed.  He was also very apologetic that the smoked meat was not warm as the steamers had been turned off.   When we asked him how much, he refused to accept payment and even threw in a couple of cokes.  We proceeded to a nearby park where we enjoyed a truly remarkable smoked meat experience.  A most disappointing beginning resulted in a great story and set forward a great day in the city, a travel experience we will never forget.  We look forward to returning on our next visit to Toronto and enjoying an outstanding dining experience.  Sincerely, Vince “The Prince” from Petrolia”

His message is significant for me in many ways.  First of all, the day he refers to, the “Spring Cleaning” closure was nightmarish.  We struggled through another busy weekend with a new crew in the kitchen.  New people always bring challenges such as inconsistencies, mistakes and simply the time it takes to train them.  Fortunately we’ve got some really good folks manning the oars and they did a great job.  Unfortunately, when I arrived at 9am Monday morning I was informed by Dennis the incredible prep guy (his chopped liver is… transcendental) that both morning cooks failed to show up.  ”And we’re out of at least 6 menu items,” he said.

Faced with the prospect of starting the week so far behind and knowing the place could use a good scrub down I decided to pull the plug.  Better to live to fight another day than to push my peeps too hard and regret it later.  But this isn’t a battle, it’s show business and the show must go on, right?  I really feel that way.  If CEO Howard Schultz thinks Starbucks is in the fashion business, what’s so weird about me thinking I’m in show business?  Besides the overblown comparison weirdness, I mean.  Its a well-known axiom that ‘grocery stores are in the food business and restaurants are in the people business’ and its entertaining people (and their taste buds) that I’m all about.

There I was on Monday, closed to the public, full of anxiety and feeding my people pizza during a lunch break when Vince the Prince and his family came in the side door.  It went just as he describes although he doesn’t paint himself as colourfully as I would have.  Vince is someone who you’d like to see on Corner Gas or at the bar in Cheers.  His small-town folksy charm belies a personality that’s larger than life.  He makes you feel comfortable with yourself just from shaking his hand.  And he talks with this patter, kind of like a Newfoundlander.  See?  Like I did right there – rhyming things.  His visit and subsequent message put me at ease over my decision.

In the end, I know I did the right thing.  Taking that break allowed us to prepare for what would be another busy Friday/Saturday and Sunday was Mother’s Day.  We had a whack of reservations that day and I can’t tell you how proud I was of our team. Under very difficult circumstances we did really well.  Not perfect but we did our best.  I need to be satisfied with that. I’m learning to be satisfied with that.

As I was leaving the deli around 7.30 pm that evening a new customer got in the last word.  ”Your mother must be very proud of you.”  She said it in the most genuine way as if to say ‘If I was your mother I’d be very proud.’  That, my friends, is why I love my customers and show business.