I guess that’s what this is,eh? Opening up my world to whoever wants to take a look. Why do I do it? Exhibitionism? Masochism? The need for attention? I’m sure there’s a little of all of those things at play here but the reason I think I blog is simply cathartic. I enjoy sharing my joys and pains as a way to deal with everything I’m going through.
Let’s not kid ourselves: its interesting (or at least an interesting distraction) to dwell on other peoples’ problems. If that’s true, then where the heck have I been? In fact, we got a call at the deli today from an “anonymous fan” who wanted to know why I haven’t blogged in so long. So? What gives?
Its not easy to admit but I’ve been depressed.
I think my funk has been brought on by a sense of letting people down. I’ve felt an enormous sense of expectation surrounding the delicatessen and I know I’ve made mistakes. Almost from the beginning I’ve been aware that this endeavor is more than just a restaurant: its a cultural statement, a product of my love of food, place and people. Not just mine, either but many many others too.
Of course, I’ve benefitted from both press and chatter about the cultural significance and challenges of the Jewish delicatessen. For me this is an incredibly personal challenge and I appreciate the support I’ve received more than words can say. And with the whole world seemingly watching (even the New York Times spilled some ink my way – twice in three weeks) it felt like things weren’t going well. February was slow. Slower than slow. Scary slow. But March was better and April has been fine too.
This was the line I heard: “Yeah but Caplansky’s is different”. I stopped mid-shuffle.
“‘Scuze me fellas,” I said “can you repeat what you just said.”
“We’re talking about smoked meat,” one said dismissively.
I didn’t know what to say. I’m not sure I’ve ever overheard someone I don’t know talking about me before. So I just said it: “I’m Caplansky.” These guys just erupted in what felt like a verbal orgasm. They even gave me a few Alice Cooper-ish ‘we’re not worthies’ a la Wayne’s World. After showing i.d. to prove myself to be myself I continued my bathroom shuffle with tears in my eyes. It would be so much easier if I didn’t care so much what people think.
Okay. I know the following is a bad way to end a blog entry but this is my world and it doesn’t always go as I’d like so why should it go nicely for you? In my own defense I can’t think of a nice way to finesse what you are about to read into a nicely flowing paragraph. Death is never nice.
I got a call this morning from the sales manager of our main food distributor informing me that Joel Cohen, our beloved rep, suddenly passed away of a heart-attack on Friday. Joel was a mensch of the highest order. The entire Caplansky Team send our condolences to his family. I regret I didn’t take the time to get to know him better as did our baker Robb Zaina. When I gave Robb the bad news he told me he had lunch with Joel on Thursday.
Okay, Joel, this one’s for you: as of today I’m going to make enjoying this experience a priority. I miss you already. Rest in peace – alla va sholom. You’ve earned it.
